My Honeysuckle Breeze

I honestly love it here. I feel safe. I feel loved. I feel mature and stable. I never imagined ever being in some thing like I am in now. 3 months with him has felt like years of love. I don’t feel lazy or insecure. I don’t have trust issues. I don’t have depressing or self deprecating thoughts. I don’t feel triggered or sad. I gunuinely feel filled all the way to the top. I feel like every minor obstacle we have faced, we have faced together with such grace. Like any minuscule force formed against us has made us stronger and really only worked out in our favor. I just feel so in love. I genuinely hope it lasts forever but I would still be thankful even if he’s just sweetly passing by. I care so much about him. I’ve never met anyone like him. He’s so easy going and patient. He’s sensitive but not overly emotional. He’s affectionate and not afraid to show it. He’s comforting and I love how he brags about me to his friends and family. I love how he makes me feel when we’re together or apart. I look forward to making love to him and kissing him. I literally get a tingle just thinking about him and having sex with him. I love how he kisses my back and shoulders and how he always holds my hand. I love how gentle he is and how rough he can be. I am literally obsessed with him and his scent.

02/19/19

It’s something you expect. You come out to a city full of skyscrapers and scandal. People love the challenge. But me? I just got lucky that I have good instincts. This deal was a lot to handle; apparently a huge feud over who gets what and how much. This mans office seemed to be what looked like a small palace. I almost wanted to ditch my bar crawl this evening and take him up on his Japanese Whiskey tasting tour offer. But I didn’t want him to include his kind gesture in whatever deal we were about to make.

With one finger, he slipped me a piece of paper across the marble or onyx or whatever table this was. I skim it at first. And as I finally begin to read it I can’t help but notice how complacent he was with his so very predictable behavior. You could tell his philosophy on life was a lot different than mine just by the grin on his face. As if he has a lot less to lose than I do. So, I slid the paper back and asked him for 60/40. He looked surprised. Not as though he was offended, but the type of shock you have when someone see’s you for who you really are. He agreed. After I signed the contract and before I left his palace I said, “Remember you are paying me to create something that you simply can not.”

1 of a Million Critics: 13 Reasons Why

Good morning all! I just want to speak softly on the controversy over the new Netflix series: 13 Reasons Why. A novel written by Jay Asher, and apparently turned into a TV show by Selena Gomez. (yeah, I know) If you’ve seen it, we can all agree it is completely horrifying. I found it intense and educating. I also could relate in a few ways. If you haven’t seen it, here’s my summary: A young teenage girl commits suicide after leaving 13 cassette tapes for every student, faculty member or adult who lead her to end her life. She was brutally bullied and raped, then when reaching out for help –she lost all hope. I was not raped and I am very thankful for my life, but it was tough growing up in Oxnard.

I was bullied at Ocean View Jr. high by teen girls. My science teacher Mr. Sogioka, would call my Math teacher (forgot her name) after lunch to tell her I wouldn’t be coming to my next class. Firstly, my teachers never said anything. Maybe I wasn’t expressing signs of suicide, but now that I see it from a small adult perspective –these girls could’ve killed me. I was afraid to walk to my math class up stairs due to the 8th grade girls pouring Gatorade on my clothes & pushing me from behind when class ended. They were horrible. I didn’t know why then, but now I think it was because I was the pretty light complexioned Hispanic girl who spoke no Spanish in a mostly Mexican grade school. Reyna Zamora. I eventually left the school and went to two other Jr. high’s after that. I became a little hard a** & refused to get pushed around. Survived.

Then in high school, a lot of you guys know of my friend Tristin Lott, who what feels like passed away yesterday. He was bullied. Not like physically tormented by students (that I’m aware of) but people were mean to him. His friends would stand him up, exclude him, not text back, he felt very alone at home & don’t want to disclaim his past but became suicidal. He went to a great college in San Jose to get away from Oxnard, but he still had little hope. He would tell me his room mates were even worse than high school & it was affecting his studies. Months after that he texted me that he was finally loving life. That he had become a much more positive person and a lover of mother nature. He went back to city college in our home town and got a good job at Costco. Tristin was happy with life. He even refused an adventure in San Diego with me, where I was living at the time! He had mentioned that he was going to a camping trip at Rose valley Falls within the following days ahead, but I didn’t think that was going to be the last time we spoke. Tristin loved photography and always had to get the best angles. From what I was told by a friend who tried to help him, he stepped on a loose rock taking a photo and fell 55 ft. to the ground. Without saying anymore, my reason for telling you this is for the irony. I hate to admit this but when I heard he had passed away, I believed he had hurt himself because of the things he would come to me with in high school & even post on social media. And if you had him as a friend, you saw his posts, and like me, you probably didn’t talk to anyone about it. It doesn’t matter now because suicide was not the case. Tristin fell off a 55 ft. cliff. He was one of my best friends.

My purpose and point being is that it is never to late to become a more mindful and aware human. We are the face of our younger generation, and I think we need to consider what we verbally expose them too. They are taking those words to school. They are either bullies, or being bullied. There’s hardly any thing in between now a days. Look for the signs, check the internet, become aware. I personally am not surrounded by children very often but if you have a younger sibling or even a class mate, that sh*t is not okay. Do not be a bystander. Do not be a bystander. And as for the Netflix show, watch it or don’t watch it. Don’t watch it with anyone under the age of like 13 or 14 because there are 2 rape scenes. I didn’t like that they had 31 year old actors for a Jr. High setting, but hey that’s show biz. They did great. Some things weren’t very realistic, for instance, I don’t ever remember having a communications class where there was a compliment box and very very little teaching done. I’m also not sure why Bryce wasn’t in the show more considering he’s a fucking rapist. There was also way too many scene where Clay Jensen has cuts on his face. His mom’s a lawyer, like where the hell are child protective services and wtf is wrong with that school. On that note, the counselor. Bro, a teenage girl basically told you she was sexually assaulted and you let her leave the room to answer your goddamn phone. She killed herself that same day fool! Idk. Other then those things, great show but every one needs to change the way they treat people. You never know if they’re abused or what they go home and do. It’s not a surprising thing. Some people just can’t deal with life or don’t have thick skin. We have to be there for them, if we can, guys. Xoxo, Reyna

Operation Single Woman

I am 150% clocking out of relationships. Yup, you heard it from the one and only for the last time. Project single woman is in full effect! I never expected to feel this confident so soon. It was only less than a week ago I was calling my mom crying my eyes out, burdening her with the thoughts of giving up on life. To be honest, I’m more or less debating on whether to become a man-eater, or to remain my lovable, only-for-one-man self.. But whatever I decide, I could not have done it alone. The universe has placed the most significant people in my life. And coincidentally, removed some less significant people from my world! I would like to discuss the blessings…

Wowowow! There’s 5 people who’s first names I will say only.. who have impacted me in the most rich and inspiring way. Alexis, Erika, Natalie, Julian, and Ricky. Some of these souls Ive known for years, others.. only days or months. But no matter what the history is, these people have inflicted such positivity in my soul. From the women reminding me how independent and resillient I have A L W A Y S been. How important it is that I get the respect I deserve and that women aren’t insane for our personal wants & needs. We are expected to pursue a certain role with relationships. Fuck that. Take me off that list! Which then brings me to the two guys I’ve named. Ive always had a very good group of guy friends who respect me and boundaries. These guys have not only done that but given me a second perspective on how the opposite sex feels in relationships. I’m not going to go into detail but the importance of this blog is knowing your worth. Realizing that pursuing any serious relationships is only going to be a disappointment until you 100% LOVE & RESPECT yourself. Be selfish. Take care of your skin and weight. Take a walk outside. Take care of yourselves ladies and gentleman. We are all emotional beings and we do not have any right to be emotionally draining eachother like this. Take a step back from the seriousness of relationships and begin to mend your own soul. You will attract the people in relevance to your dream and your world. 

And the two names who I won’t mention who have been cut from my show, get well soon. You are toxic, ignorant, and a constant reminder that maturity doesn’t come with age. I am proud of my relations with you two people. “If they took back the pain they caused, you would lose the strength you gained.”

Remember your worth. Remember your well-being. Remember you’re only human but you’re not the only human. Love thy self 🌜

You’ll probably hate my raw soul.

Ive done it again. I’m 21 years old and ive made the same mistake for the millionth time. And it’s not any mistake in specific, its a habitual mistake. I hear you guys. I feel my deceased on the daily opening the doors, guiding me to make the right choices. I have people around me fighting worse addictions like heroin or xanax. Or alcoholism. I know all the necessary actions to take to go about moving on from my personal addiction. I read books, and poems, quotes, and magazine articles on how to remove toxic stuff from your life. I cant do it. The raw truth is im a sorry excuse for a person who claims to have an addiction. I’m not addicted to meth or pills or liquor. I dont abuse marijuana or snort any weird substances. Nope. Im addicted to a fucking person. One person. Yeah I know. Only 22 and I seemed to have broke my own heart. Yes I know Tia, you told me so. I know Jen, I know I need to get over that dude. Yah I know I deserve better and I know I need to learn to be alone Dad. I know Im only playing myself Dude n Ria.. But I have made an agreement with myself to love people from afar. It’s not my fault things didn’t work. It’s not that i don’t know how to love. My love is not meant to be mimicked, only reciprocated and I promise you, I realize that.

What all of you people cease to understand and what I seem to refrain from telling you… is that under the huge fucking toxic, publisized, scandelous relationship ive imersed myself in, is remarkable and irreplaceable love. Maybe someone will make me feel this way again someday. Maybe Ill let myself continue to be fucking sucked dry of my love if that’s what’s happening. Maybe Ill accept that the only thing that can save me emotionally is TIME. Maybe I wont learn my lesson. But to all of you who support me, to all of you who know my story and where ive come from and hear my little goals and admire my wisdom, to all of you who are so fucking proud of me being on my own and responsible, at that. To all of you who love me: LET ME BE. It’s my little life. Nothing you guys say helps. Nothing HE says or does helps. You cant force someone to see something. You cant force me to see I deserve better and that this is just a phase and that i have really bad taste in men. I cant force him to see all that ive risked and all the love i have for him and how im not asking for anything extra. we cant force each other to perceive things in a way were arent capable of processing yet. That’s me. Stop pressing me. Im not there yet. I still have no idea what I’m doing. I assumed none of us did. 

Choosing the Spicy Life

I could sit here and say “I didnt chose the spicy life, the spicy life chose me” BUT I’d be hopelessly lying. You know those things parents tell you growing up, that only now you’re able to utilize. Like how to fill the dish washer, or that it really is a bad idea to put too much clothes in the washer? Common sense really, now that we think of it. But then there’s all that other stuff family & the people surrounding us experience that we haven’t experienced yet. Those little pickles the universe picks and chooses for each soul. Those tests that you are obligated to live & learn through.. Are you catching what I’m throwing? If so here’s some of my signature word vomit you all know me for..

I get my self into pickles alllll daaaaayyyy long. Whether it’s big ones, or small ones like forgetting where I parked in a 4 story parking structure; I don’t go a day without building unnecessary obstacles for myself. Sometimes its funny, sometimes its life changing. Sometimes I don’t learn from it the first time, other times, I do and its an impacting, positive accomplishment. For example. Getting my car towed. I got home around 6 on a Tuesday and I occasionally parked in the visitor section of the complex next to me. My boyfriend got home around 9 and did the same. We go about our nights at home and I wake up for work the next morning to my car GONE, but his was there. Turns out Andrew didn’t see my car at 9 so they literally took my car in the time span of 3 hours!! anyways, it was $207 to get my car out of car jail. I was seriously brizokeeeee AF for like a week. But for some very odd reason I felt so good to get my car back and be able to keep it moving. Like, that list of bullshit the universe has planned for me? One thing off the list type of thing. It was cool. Until a month later….

Id like to think I’m not a big partier anymore. Compared to girls i know, and the person I used to be.. However it’s Summer, I work a full time job with hours of a teacher. I decided to go out on a Friday night with my friend Taylor. Studio City: Dope house, dope people. I’m always with it. We arrive, time goes by. Maybe a few hours. In that time I consumed 2 cranberry vodkas and 1 shot of vodka. Not my normal drink but ok. I’m grubbing, yes I’m that girl at the party eating the snacks your parents prepare for us old school gals. lol. Its about a quarter passed midnight and I presume to go home because I have work at 8:45 am. I’m a few exits from my house and this car switches lanes almost hitting my brand new baby Hyundai, Samantha, and I honk for like 8 seconds, cuss him out, and speed off. Unucky for me, there’s CHP SUV three cars in front of him and long story short, I got my first and last DUI. I’m about a month into it and as disappointed as I am at potentially hurting me or someone around me. Or the fact that im about to be $2,000 into this crap. And also that I have a new car I’m not allowed to drive for a few weeks. But my main reason for telling you this is because I am sooooo fulfilled to be paying my dues, getting it all done and out of the way. Its such a nice feeling. I wouldn’t have ever felt like this unless I gave myself some crazy obstacle, right? 😉 lol The classes are a burden, but I honestly am learning to be thankful for everything else I have in my life.

I have an awesome job. Long hours, steady pay, benefits & bonuses. Cool stuff. I have food in the fridge. I have my bills paid and figured out. I have goals and aspirations that I’m slowly pursuing. My mom still carries me when I slip. I have a boyfriend whom I know loves me. And family that I keep close to my heart, always. My point is. It’s okay. If you get a parking ticket, break up with your boyfriend, get embarrassingly blacked out drunk, whatever it may be, count that as a check off your list. Ultimately, you build that list. All your choices from what your dream of the world is, are primarily what you will be dealt. I’m choosing my life. And I’m choosing to live. I want to have fun and be wild. I wont take anything less than what I think I deserve. I constantly live by doing kind things and expecting *nothing but knowing that if someone wants to do something kind for you, THEY WILL because they want to. As females, assuming that’s who’s reading, we are obligated to believe we have less control than we really do. We are so powerful. The way we think, with our hearts, and the way we comprehend certain things, is not wrong. You are not wrong and you shouldn’t take anything personally. Knowing that and grasping that can give you a foundation strong enough for this lifetime. THAT’S how I’m livin’. I have to listen, and be heard. I am building my inner being and really doing things to get me set up. My first step in living & loving the spicy life, is this blog. I want to help people, the few girls who read my blogs, to feel like they can relate to me. I am pretty much an open book, ask anyone around me. But sometimes I feel too outrageous so I’m really going to commit to blogging more. Thank you so much for reading. xoxo Rey

A Siren for the Sea

Everyone should take the time out of their day to look at these pictures. This is an example of global warming, pollution, climate change, oil spills, & animal cruelty​. I’m here to give you some brief information told in my words.

Did you know that each year in the 21st century ranks the most hottest years since the 1800s? By 2020 the temperature of the earth will become 6% higher. Imagine that! 🔥🌞 That’s not even including the 60x more hot the sun and summer temperatures will be.

I often wonder if people realize that the oil, chemicals, trash, and remains & even feces , in the ocean, are basically what marine life considers ‘oxygen’. Also brings me to the fact that Americans consume roughly 4.8 billion pounds of seafood annually. 🚱🍤🐟 So technically, we are eating what they eat. Not to mention the thousands of people who have died and continue to get sick from radiation poisoning due to the Hiroshima Bombing back in 1945 (I believe) I don’t recall the ocean ever having a natural filter. 

Now let me get started on justice for marine life. Just recently I read an article on a man who suffered server bone/tissue loss from a shark attack, survived and is now a top advocate for the Save the Sharks Foundation. This is so raw! He explains that sharks live in the ocean and they defend there selves solely based on the fact that the ocean is NOT a swimming pool in our back yard. We are completely aware of the animals who inhabit the earth. 

Shark finning is a process where a sharks fins are removed and the carcass is left to float to the bottom of the ocean due to not being able to swim. Presuming a slow painful death & then being eaten by other fish. This is abnormality and should be banned. Trophy hunting is disgusting!

Just take a minute to consider what we put in our bodies because of what we put in the ocean. Think about the circle of life we learned about in 5th grade. Yeah, that shit is real. Educate yourself, take advantage of search engines and make a difference. 

Untitled but worth reading.

Lately ive really been wanting to blog but find myself at a loss of words when i get my hands on a computer. As much as ive been pheening to write, where to start is an ongoing issue in my writing and in some way, where to start in life. That brings me to my first topic…

My immediate group of friends all go or have gone to school and are finding careers and etc. In a way, I’ve been concerned on what exactly I’m doing with my life. I have small goals and aspirations but really my main focus has been working two awesome serving jobs and just stacking up money. “Its really easy to get caught up in the quick and easy money that comes from waitressing”, I was always thinking. Although I find myself in the same physical world I’ve been in for a while, moving apartments, working full time, and making time for a healthy social life, etc. I realize that there’s more to this awkward age of 20 than originally expected. In the midst of everyday life, I find that my growth game has been admiringly strong. I’ve accepted solitude internally rather than letting it into my life as another dependent of happiness. I am solitude. Does that make sense? Im okay knowing that I can make myself happy with my many hobbies such as; writing, yoga, being very organized on my month to month schedules (I hand make my own calendars\task lists) I try to read exerpts from my Little book of Wisdom and talk to my angels when I feel pressure or uneasy about anything, I make time to pamper myself, I hang out with girlfriends and drink wine and talk about life. Without immediate progress I constantly contemplate on how im spending my time and if its bettering my being. And it is. My jobs are giving me professional experience. My hobbies give me contentment, my friends are giving me a better sense of relationships and communication. My general environment and being completely on my own in San Diego give me a feeling of awareness and responsibilities. I am doing it right. “Right” is at my own pace and my own realization and consequences I will accept as is.

With that being said,  a set of circumstances made it possible for me to engage in something I’ve really been wanting to send my energy too. I won’t tell you what, but I will say it couldn’t have been possible without being aware of my actions and being content with how I’ve corrected those actions. I can’t stress enough to my readers and friends how important it is not to take any experiences for granted. You dont always realize you’re doing it. But you will realize and it will almost always be too late it fix. Imagine wanting a second chance at something and you really really want it but you know its not possible, how do you feel? Guilt is the worst thing to carry. In my case, I’ve wanted something’s for so long that I wouldn’t know how to react if I actually got them.  And that’s what’s happening to me, I got super lucky in a rare situation. Things are changing constantly. I’m a very temporary person when it comes to where I live or work, but the most consistent trait I carry is my passion. And thats what is going to get me through this journey. Life is short man. I just lost one of my most favorite human beings on this planet, coming in contact with death has been the strangest case of inspiration and loving of the life you’re given. Us humans have to be conscious of what we are exposed to as we may not know why it’s upon us, but it’s here so take it and face every situation practically. You might still find a lesson at the end but what ever choices you’ve made put you exactly where you need to be. That is simply how I’m approaching these new chances and goals. Despite the limitations I’m insanely enthusiastic about being able to apply these concepts to how I live and how I love. 

8 things Ive learned since living in San Diego

1. Solitude

So not only have I been single for about 5 months, but I have none of my loved ones in a 225 mile radius of me, so I’m basically alone. Usually I’m not good at being alone. But lately it has taught me that in order to be with someone or even form relations with people in general,I must be content with solitude first. Slowly but surely, I’m finding that it is quite peaceful to be in the midst of my own chaotic thoughts rather than mine and everyone else’s.

2. Don’t take anything too serious.

OF COURSE I realize life is very serious and ‘YOLO’ and all that good stuff, but I’m young. I realize I have sooo much to learn. But my main theory is sometimes NO reaction is the best reaction. I find that taking things people say personal, or taking people in my life serious could almost always potentially lead to being disappointed. I’m seeing that when people say not to worry about whats out of your control, they are being serious.

3. Maturity doesn’t come with age.

Yes boys mature slower than us gals, but lets be real ladies. Experience is what makes you mature. Because of what I’ve been through and what my personal dream of life is, I can honestly say that I’m more mature than half the guys I’ve dated. (which shows i have poor taste in guys) lol MY POINT is, don’t under estimate the immaturity level of older guys.

4. Mother knows best.

Self explanatory. If you know my mom or you even know me well, you know that I can come to my mom for anything and 99.9% of the time her advice is probably the advice to take. If you don’t take mom’s advice, you will realize she was right and then you’ll have to deal with the “I TOLD YA SO’s”

5. School isn’t everything

While most of my friends attend SDSU and are moving into a new place for the new semesters, and taking summer classes, I constantly find myself feeling like Im not moving at any pace and (unfortunately) like I’m knowledge deprived. BUT Ive come to conclusion school isn’t for everyone. By no means does that imply I wont be building a career. I have goals and dreams –not one involving being a full time student!

6. Not everyone who comes is going to stay.

When they say you wont have the same friends in the years ahead: my gosh they aren’t lying. My only advice to this is don’t trust everyone you meet. People are so temporary is kind of astonishing. Don’t worry, I still have trouble following my own advice.

7. Not everyone has the same heart as you.

I’m sad to say that people don’t always acquire the immediate compassion I do for another human. And I can proudly thank my mama for showing me how it’s done. I am not ashamed, people just catch me off guard when they reveal an icy heart. I dont know what you’ve been through but never let it show. heart > mind

8. That advice that random person gave you in the supermarket is probably very accurate & you should listen.

Being half raised by my grandpa, I have an extra soft spot for elders. Sooooo when an old man behind you in line tells you that you look tired and to smile more, you should probably take a nap and watch a funny video. Life is short. These elderly people may seem a little naive to this generation but in all honesty, I’d rely on an unbiased old man’s advice more than my cousins or aunt’s. That’s just me.

A Few Words to Catch up

Today marks 1 month and 22 days of living & loving San Diego. So far, so good. Very lucky for me, I’ve been working at this cool bar & grill in College Area. But I have yet to completely explore all that San Diego has to offer with my bestie, Valerie. I’ve had a lot of thinking time. I’ve spent an excessive amount of my time in the sun. (I finally have some time to blog, ive been so busy with work, unpacking and traveling to-fro Oxnard). I do in fact always have time to write in my journal so i suppose its time to [word vomit]

First off,  I am so relieved to finally be within the atmosphere of positive and goal oriented people. I feel very lucky to have this opportunity and i want to soak up everything I can from this experience. We’ve just spent this last week moving into our own apartment. Our apartment is so adorable. Im soo happy to have all of my belongings together, Im even more blessed to have my own room.. Believe it or not its been almost two years. So far I’ve looked into Marinello Beauty School. As soon as I get back on track and settled in our new place, Ill be in the process of becoming a certified cosmetologist. I really love my job and all the people there. Despite being the baby (not 21) I know my time will come to turn up with my coworkers 😉 I’m looking to get a 2nd job so I’ve applied at a couple hipster places like a Hookah Bar, Living room Cafe, & Clockwork Coffee Shoppe! All very close to home! and I’m starting a bunch of business plans for new projects such as blogging about restaurants I come across or new people I meet or books I’ve read. Possibly even products I’m using. It’s still up in the air, for now. Also invested in a cool Schwinn road bike from my friend Wes, so I’m excited to get back to riding since I haven’t since I left LA. I’m now living the San Diego life & things are slowly falling into place.

As far as my personal and emotional life, I don’t feel okay. I feel very lost and frustrated with the process of growing pains & ‘finding myself’. I feel alone. I’m used to having my ex in my life, NO matter what. I miss my mother, she’s the only one who seems to know me better than I know me. Which sounds normal and reassuring but really on another level, momma knows. Perhaps I’m just overwhelmed. I need to let go of what I simply can not control. I’m trying so hard to stay distracted and busy but somehow I still always feel like I’m missing something. I’m even more frustrated realizing I’m not as good at relationships as i thought, clearly Rey needs some work. I just wish I could fast forward too when I know who I am and what my purpose is. When I’m stable and independent enough to enjoy life and all the things it has to offer.. I’m taking it day by day. Besides whats in my emotional body, I have SO much to be happy about. And until I’m healed my mind is focused on doing what makes me happy. ❤ Thanks for reading.